


Transparent Answer

by sxlmate



Series: loonatheangst [1]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Chuu is.. Chuu!, Cold!Jinsoul, F/F, Loona - Freeform, believe me i love them both, chuusoul, sorry chuusoul nation, yeah this is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27575873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxlmate/pseuds/sxlmate
Summary: "If I were able to get even a little bit closer to the answer."After everything that's happened, Jinsol wishes she tried harder for Jiwoo.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Series: loonatheangst [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015900
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	Transparent Answer

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired from a song from Kagerou Project! It's pretty old, so y'all might not know what it is. (it's already been 8 years since it's creation.) but I recommend watching the MVs and other content from the project.
> 
> song: Toumei Answer/Transparent Answer
> 
> !! SORRY TO THE CHUUSOUL NATION AGAIN !!
> 
> italics are flashbacks / song lyrics
> 
> twt: sxlmate
> 
> tw // hints of/act of suicide
> 
> if you ever think about suicide or have a friend that needs help, it's never too late to ask for help ; https://twitter.com/paulsonsbowen/status/1326932802244325377?s=20 (suicide hotlines)

_"Hello," She greets then bows politely before the rest of the class. Standing up straight, her lips curves up in a million watt grin. "I'm Kim Jiwoo." She introduces herself. Charmed the girl, her peers immediately welcome her warmly._

_"Okay," Mr. Min holds up his hand with authority and power to shush his clamoring class. He motions for the other transfer student to introduce themselves. "Go on."_

_With a slightly slouched body and emotionless expression, she slowly speaks. "Jung Jinsol." She deadpans, half-bowing towards the her new peers. Unlike their treatment to Jiwoo, they only acknowledge her. No other reactions, which was fine for Jinsol._

_Humming, Mr. Min instructs them. "We have a couple of vacant seats, as you can see." The two indeed see a handful of empty seats. "You can take a seat wherever you'd like." He shoves his hands in his pockets before turning towards the two and give them a tight-lipped smile._

_"C'mon, Sol." Jiwoo beckons for the older as she skips towards the furthest seat in the back, right by the window. "Sit next to me!" She beams, watching the girl walk towards her._

_Seeing that Jiwoo took the seat she wanted, Jinsol opts for the seat next to the younger girl. Jiwoo squeals in happiness whilst Jinsol simply hums at her, not even bothering to bat an eye at her._

_Jinsol paying the smallest of attention towards her was enough for Jiwoo._

//

Days passed by like it was nothing. It all went the same. At least it did for Jinsol.

The same alarm rung, growing more and more annoying each time. She'd always wake up to it, though. Her search for something to live for bugging her every morning. Jinsol's getting tired of it all.

All she saw in life was monochrome. The taunting black and white reminding her how even if she tried, it'll all be for nothing. Her ears muffled out the useless noises that she encounters.

If it'll all be for nothing, why should she be kind to others? Jinsol had long lost his interest in interacting with others. Appearing to be a cold-hearted person, and if she truly is like that.. so be it then.

It's been years since the two of them transferred. The duo always sat in the same place in every classroom, with Jiwoo nearest to the windows and Jinsol by her side. It stayed like that 'til this very day.

They knew each other long before they even transferred in the same high school, having met in a festival in their town. No one really knows how they even came to be what they are now. It wasn't their place to know anyway.

It's the same day today.

Jinsol walks in the classroom, seeing a familiar figure staring out the windows. The sun was slowly rising to share it's blinding light on the world. Quietly drawing her chair out, Jinsol sits and sets her belongings on the desk.

Hearing the cluttering of items, Jiwoo looks at the seat next to her. A huge grin on her face appears once she sees a familiar girl. She shifts around to fully face the girl.

"Good morning, Sol!" She greets with a bright tone. 

_Jinsol actually looks at her now, but never considered her as a friend. Jiwoo's merely an acquaintance for her. "Good morning, Kim." She returns the gesture._

_Huffing, Jiwoo slightly frowns. "When are you going to call me as Jiwoo?" She lightly scratches her cheek. "I've told you that a bunch of times already."_

Clearing her throat, Jinsol looks back at her with lifeless eyes. "Good morning, Jiwoo." She repeats, giving a forced smile.

Jiwoo squeaks before happily giggling. Jinsol's improving for once, and that's all she ever wanted. Before she could talk more with the older, Mr. Min enters the classroom with an unnecessary loud slam from the door.

The others that were standing around quickly rush towards their chairs. The rest, like Jinsol and Jiwoo, quickly turn their heads to the older man. All afraid as today was the day they were going to receive their exam grades.

Blankly staring at her notebook, Jinsol grips her pen tightly. The blank white pages her notebook making it seem like an empty void. She sighs once she feels someone tapping her shoulder.

Another piece of paper enters her peripherals, Jinsol snatches the paper away from a classmate. She never bothered to learn their names. The person walks away from her with slight fear.

Jinsol glances at her score, one-hundred. Slightly crumpling the paper in hand, she swallows sharply. It's all the same. Nothing will ever change will it?

"Well then, what do you think?" Jiwoo quietly asks beside her, trying to interact with her again.

Jinsol side-eyes her. "If you're asking about my results.." She pauses for a second. "Well, they're fine, I guess." Waving her test paper, Jinsol shifts to look at Jiwoo. "On this trashy paper is a perfect score." She deadpans.

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Jiwoo smiles shyly at her. The two glance at her score, fifty-six. Jinsol's eyes widen slightly. Seeing her reaction, Jiwoo turns away in embarrassment.

"Oh." Jinsol softly mutters, but eventually directs her attention towards the window.

A striking blue hue now loomed over them, with dashes of white acting as clouds. Jinsol's focus was on the scenery. Her vision blurring out the other things that's not of importance to her.

Jinsol rests her cheek on her palm, her eyes drooping a bit. She watches the clouds slowly move along the skies, zoning out while their teacher blabbered about whatever.

After an hour, the bell rings. Multiple students react to it immediately by hastily standing up from their chairs, making small noises out of uncomfortability from sitting for so long.

Like the past years, Jinsol and Jiwoo stay in their seat. Patiently waiting for everyone else to leave the room before them, so they won't bump into them. Jinsol fixes up her workspace, storing her items away neatly.

Jiwoo hadn't bothered her since sharing their grades to each other. It worries Jinsol. It wasn't normal for the younger to stay this quiet, let alone for a whole class hour.

Staring out the window, Jinsol thinks to herself. _Outside the window, there's nothing that I wish for, because I'll already know what will happen._

Getting up from her chair, Jiwoo walks towards Jinsol. The latter feels her presence beginning to loom over her. She side-eyes her again, spotting a white item in the girl's hands. 

"Hey," Jiwoo calls for her, which effectively gets Jinsol's attention. "if that's how it is.." She smiles brightly at her. "then that's really boring!" Jiwoo says, as if hearing Jinsol's thought earlier.

Holding out the small paper crane for Jinsol, Jiwoo chuckles at the older's reaction from her statement. Jiwoo always seemed to be _so_ cheerful.

Jinsol's eyes dart towards the paper crane, watching it slip from Jiwoo's hand. She swiftly catches the crane in her hands. Narrowing her eyes at it, she examines the paper.

A big fifty-six sat on it's wing, blatantly out with no shame. No longer an exam paper, but a beautifully made paper crane.

Gripping the metal fencing, her fingers slip through the small holes. Jinsol looks down from the school rooftop, barely caring of how high up she is. Her vision distorts the longer she stares down.

It's as if the ground was sinking before her, consuming its surroundings. For anyone normal, it'd be a terrifying sight. But Jinsol has grown past fearing something inevitable. She's grown accustomed to these things.

Jinsol blinks rapidly, shaking off the headache that came with the distortion. Taking out her exam paper, she grips it tightly. Frustration builds up in her and her hands quickly rip the paper into pieces.

She watches the small and big pieces fly away as the wind flows by. An empty feeling then fills her. Jinsol had one last piece in her grasps. one-hundred mark squished between her fingers.

The number a reminder of how her living days fleet on by all the same. Small differences don't impact her in any way, shape, or form. It's all redundant for Jinsol. Maybe, she should end it all one day.

Before she could be consumed by her thoughts, something soft wrapped around her neck. A force then slightly pulled her in. Jinsol's tired body gave in and let herself fall back. She watches the last piece fly away.

Thankfully, whoever pulled her in was there to catch her. Jinsol looks at who it is, her lips part.

Laughter dance around her, far too familiar to her ears. Jinsol furrows her eyebrows at the girl. Jiwoo's eyes form into crescents as she pulls Jinsol closer to her. She carefully wraps her scarf around the latter.

"What're you doing?" She asks then tucks away Jinsol's stray hair away from her face.

Jinsol lightly shakes her head before fully facing the younger. "E-eh..?" She lets out in confusion.

"I asked, what you're doing here?" Jiwoo tilts her head. That bright smile of hers still on her features.

"Oh." She gulps. "I'm just, looking at the scenery." Jinsol says as she holds the scarf around her. She notes the peachy color it's in, a color present in the setting sun before them.

Jiwoo hums in response, moving to be positioned next to Jinsol. The latter simply follows her with her eyes. "Shall we watch the sun set then?" Jiwoo quietly asks, scared to be rejected once more.

"Sure." Jinsol accepts, looking at the yellow and orange haze of the skies.

Pleasantly surprised, Jiwoo looks at Jinsol's side profile. A ghost of a smile on the latter's lips.

For once, Jinsol wasn't actively rejecting her like she did in the past years. Jiwoo wonders what made the older have a change of heart.

Looking back at the sun. Jiwoo smiles in content this time. Jinsol was beginning to let herself go.

She's happy for Jinsol.

Jinsol covers her ears but even so, Jiwoo's loud squeals pierce through. She scowls with a huff of annoyance.

"Sol, look!" Jiwoo carefully holds up the yellow and orange kitten, happily showing it off to the older. "It's so cute!" She releases more noises of extreme joy.

Jinsol covers up her mouth with the peach scarf, nuzzling her nose on the soft fabric. She nods at Jiwoo for acknowledgement.

Meows and babytalking were exchanged between the small animal and small girl. Somehow, Jiwoo gets that the kitten is hungry. So she quickly gets bread from her unfinished lunch.

Jinsol watches in annoyance as both meowing and squeaks ring loudly in her ears. How Jiwoo even managed to reach that high of a pitch amazes her.

Jiwoo gives the kitten a generous amount of bread, as it seemed to love the pastry. She watches the kitten engulf the whole bread in a few seconds.

Jiwoo even praised the kitten for eating well. She gives multiple pets and rubs around the small animal. The kitten purrs in content, nudging Jiwoo's hand with its small head.

Jinsol removes her gaze on the two, knowing it'll be a while before they get home. She looks up at the sky. Dark hues beginning to color the world.

The same day had passed.

//

Water.

Water surrounds her. The warmth her body once had quickly becoming ice cold by the water's temperature.

Her head, the part of her body that wasn't fully submerged in the liquid. She looks at the blank ceiling. The pure white of it makes Jinsol sleepy.

The water makes multiple small waves. Jinsol's eyes droop slightly, her fatigue getting the best of her.

She makes no noise. No effort in reaching out for help. She wants this. It was only a matter of time before _it_ consumed her whole.

Jinsol harshly dips her head, joining her other body parts underwater. She opens her eyes, seeing how pruned up her fingers are.

 _Has it been that long already?_ She wonders.

She watches air bubbles come out of her mouth and nose. A sign that not everything lasts forever, there's always an end to it.

And for once, Jinsol feels content. She experiences utter silence and happiness.

Eventually the need for air comes and she begins to gulp the water around her. And that was it. She closes her eyes.

_If I died right now, someone would replace me._

_Don't touch the heart that wants to disappear._

It all goes down the drain.

A hand slaps her hard, her cheek stinging.

She roughly coughs out the water that she had in her lungs and mouth.

"ARE YOU INSANE, JUNG JINSOL!?" Her sister yells at her, laced with fear and hurt.

She coughs out the remaining water before speaking. A glare directed to her own relative.

"I was fine, Jung Chaewon." Jinsol hisses at her sister, getting out of the tub.

Chaewon stares at her with disbelief and betrayal in her eyes. Tears welled up in her eyes. "G-god, I can't stand you." She notes how Jinsol was fully clothed.

The drenched girl brought water out of the tub, multiple droplets fall from her figure onto the ground.

Jinsol stares back at her sister with no remorse. It scared Chaewon, chills jolt in her spine. Her knees buckle as her legs give up.

Jinsol watches her sister breakdown before her. The girl kneeled on the wet tiles, releasing loud sobbing that should've broken her heart.

But it didn't.

It's the same day today.

//

Sliding the door open, Jinsol expects a figure staring out the window. But she gets met with an empty seat along with a clean table.

Jinsol brushes it off despite an uncomfortable feeling makes her stomach churn. _Jiwoo's late. I know she is._

She glances at the clock. It was only a few minutes before she usually got here. _Maybe Jiwoo overslept again. It's fine._

Zoning out on her seat, Jinsol's mind fills with multiple images of Jiwoo. From the girl's hair color to her smile, her mind goes on and on.

Jiwoo's one peculiar girl. She wouldn't have it any other way. It's what made her special. The girl acted like the sun, bringing everyone light and happiness.

Jinsol admired that about the girl. How she actually had a purpose in her life. She could only envy who Kim Jiwoo is.

Glancing at the still empty seat, Jinsol frowns. _Where is she?_

The door slides open again, loudly crashing against the door frame. A handful of unrecognizable people come in the classroom.

Jinsol pays them no attention until sounds of sorrow fill the room. To small sniffles to heartbreaking sobs. She looks them, her eyes widening at the sight.

She watches in horror as they near her area with white lilies. The closer they get, the more Jinsol gets angsty.

_Somewhere in these non-hectic days, something might have already gone wrong._

"How could the literal embodiment of the sun, jump off the school roof?"

_In the classroom, the heart that wants to disappear was hurt._

Making a mad dash out of the suffocating room, Jinsol rushes for the rooftop. Pushing people around in the hallways to escape this feeling.

Jinsol busts through the doors, the strong cold air flowing on by. She wishes she had that darn scarf.

Her legs drag her towards the edge, the one that wasn't fenced up. Jinsol tightly grips the metal bars. She screams out in frustration.

"God, Kim Jiwoo, WHY!?" She shouts. "WHY'D YOU DO IT!? IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME!" Jinsol punches the metal.

"Y-you-!" She lets out a shaky breath. "KEPT HIDING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN BEHIND YOUR STUPID SMILE!"

Jinsol punches until her knuckles bruise. "HOW DARE YOU!?" Her voice cracks and yet no tears form in her eyes. "KIM JIWOO, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE!"

"I-i.. just-" Jinsol stammers. She covers her eyes, groaning out. "Why..?" She softly mutters as her body grows tired.

_Casually walking around the halls, Jinsol starts to near her classroom. She sees that the doors are open. Weird._

_Jinsol picks up her pace, quietly walking up the open doors. One glance, she sees someone inside. She quickly hides herself, peeking inside the room._

_Weirdly enough, it was Jiwoo._

_The girl had a scarf on. Jinsol raises an eyebrow. She wasn't wearing that earlier. Guessing the girl had simply packed it inside her bag, she brushes it off._

_As Jinsol moves from the scarf to the girl's side profile, sniffles come out of the small girl. Jinsol freezes once she sees the girl quietly crying alone in the room._

_Unable to come up to comfort Jiwoo, Jinsol's legs drag her towards the rooftop._

_She regrets not being able to do anything now._

Staring at the bright blue skies, Jinsol is engulfed by regret. "It's my fault.." She sadly smiles to herself. "Jiwoo, I'm sorry I never tried to get close to you."

Jinsol looks at her bruised hands, sighing in defeat. "I'm a cold-hearted fool." She deadpans as her legs give out.

Her eyes finally look down on the ground. She spots a white item in her peripherals, Jinsol whips her head to look at it.

A broken chuckle escapes her lips once identifying the item. Jinsol picks it up carefully, as if it were made of glass.

There on her hand, laid a handmade paper crane. But this time, it had multiple strips of tape stuck to it. Jinsol looks at the wing, spotting her one-hundred score on it.

Realization hit her like a truck. No wonder Jiwoo stayed a little longer on the roof that day. She must've picked up the torn up paper.

Tears come flowing out of her eyes, like a waterfall. Jinsol hurriedly tries to wipe away her tears. Unable to process these new emotions in her.

Her tears stain her clothes, the rooftop ground, and the paper crane.

It hurt.

Jung Jinsol finally broke.

_The smile of you, who flew through this window and died, I won't ever forget it._

_Not even tomorrow._

A new day starts today.


End file.
